It keeps hitting me. At very sudden and unexpected moments. To go through the same realization every single time is horrible. I feel for my brother so much. Idk where he is, how he's doing, and how I cn help him. I try to believe in what my religion has taught me, but it's hard whn no one knows if thr's even a receiving end. I'm doing fine, I laugh and am happy all the time, but I wish my brother was still here. I wish I cld laugh at the way he speaks Eng like I always did, I wish I cld hear him ask for my opinions whenever he dresses up for occasions, I wish I cld see him returning hm in the dead of the night like how it always was whn he was still here, I wish I cld see him happy and alive and kicking agn.
I can't believe how much I miss hearing his voice, calling me 'Ay mei mei, ...' this and that. I can't believe I'm nvr gonna hv a family meal w him ever agn, I can't believe I'm nvr gonna be able to get bubbletea for him, eat his potato chips, see him at the dining table during reunion dinners, take a complete family photo w him ever agn.
The loss is really indescribable. I've nvr felt anything like this. I just wish he's still here, I want my brother back. But too bad for me it's nvr gonna happen, I just hv to let it go and move on, no matter how much I'm unwilling to.
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