Today my family & I visited my brother.

And I felt so much emotions inside me.

I haven't been a good sister. I don't visit him as much as I'd promised, I don't think about him as much as I probably should, I'm having fun like as if nothing happened. I haven't thought about how everything is going for him for a long, long time.

I feel so much guilt.

I just wish I can help him like how he helped me in the past. I tried hard to believe in my own faith, but it's really difficult when you hear things which you really wish are not true, from others.

Yet I can't make promises. I can't promise that I will visit him often from now on, b/c I know I'm bound to break that promise.

I broke too many promises in my life.

Promise to bathe early, promise to put family before everything (promise that I made to my bro), promise to not be lazy, promise to not throw my temper at home, promise to almost everything, I broke them all.

I have many regrets. For the life of me I can't understand why I am like that. I can't understand why I can't change, why I always have an excuse for my actions. They make me so unhappy most of the time..

This entire entry, is really just about me failing as a person. I'm lousy as hell.

I'm not sad, just troubled..